Rock of Ages

IMDB
First time viewed: Yes
Current Release: Yes
Watched With: Tyler

There's trash, there's trashy, there's even trashtastic. I like good trashy entertainment as much as the next guy, actually probably a lot more than the next guy, but not even I could find much to enjoy here.

They keep advertising this as from the makers of Hairspray. It's not half as much fun as that film. It has a couple of inspired moments, the 90's boy band plot was one of them, but much of this just falls flat. I don't know the stage version so I can't tell you if that's just the show or a bad adaptation.

Tom Cruise does a fine job with his performance I guess. It's just his character is not nearly as interesting as the writers had hoped and certainly can't sustain the unbearably long scene that introduces him. It would have worked far better if he was that legend that is talked about and referred to more than you actually see him. But they try to squeeze him in to an already overcrowded collective noun of plots.

All the plots are stock standard, they follow all the basic beats, there's no surprises and they don't even seem to try and make them fresh. There's a lot of talent that's wasted here. I found Catherine Zeta-Jones to be the most entertaining. She seemed to be in a completely different and much more fun film. 

Paul Giamatti has a rat tail. I think this is his defining characteristic.

They use the wise black person trope here big time. They ABUSE it. She seems hopelessly wedged in last minute when they realise they don't have a black person needlessly riffing over all their montages where she has no business being.

Any rock and roll fans will be disappointed at how glee-ified all the songs are. They're just regular pop tunes with a little more electric guitar now. Perfectly safe and family friendly. There were only one or two slightly risque beats but the rest is pretty tame. 

It's unfortunate. The start was pretty engaging, they raced through about 7 songs before the opening titles finished. But they ran out of steam quick. The film stops dead before the first act finishes, while Stacy Jaxx has non-sex with a reporter. 

I like trashy movies. I'm not a big fan of juke-box musicals or Rock and Roll though. But more importantly, I'm not a fan of boring films. I appreciated cameos from Eli Roth and T.J. Miller but I doubt I'll be revisiting this one again anytime soon.